Delusions of Grandeur

I had the pleasure of meeting Lord Vader for the first time a few months ago. My presence was requested by the Dark One himself. I was told he wanted a few new publicity shots for his new "Join the Empire or Be Crushed" campaign. *gulp* Imaging my distress and concern here. I am, however, a Jedi Knight. Vader's reputation with Jedi is less than, uh, what's a good word for it? Pleasant. But who am I to say no to the Dark Lord?

I thought about it, though. Actually, I almost flew to Tatooine and hid in a cave with my Ewok, Tee.

I was ushered by Tak, Tk266 to awaiting transport that would take me to Vader's ship. During the short fight I kept eyeing Tak who was standing next to me tapping is foot.

"You told Vader about me, did you?" I asked.

"Yep," he answered.

"It's because of that picture I took of you, the one in *PlayClones*, right?"

"Yep."

I knew that picture would come back to haunt me one day.

Arriving, my first impression of the ship is that it's very large and highly overdone. Talk about over compensating! (If you get me.) Of course, I didn't say this out loud. Tak bade me to follow him down a long hallway. Two massive doors open before us and Tak waves me in.

"Don't forget to duck," Tak muttered as I passed him. Say what? "My lord, here is the Jedi you wanted to se-" he began.

Then I understood what he meant by "duck". Thank the Force I'm fast on my feet! I sidestepped as a large chair came flying our way. It slammed into Tak and sent him flying back down the hallway. I watched Tak get back to his feet, brush off his armor and storm away, muttering something about "that's going to leave a mark and he does that every darn time I walk in."

I turned my attention back to the Dark Lord who was standing on the other side of the room with his arms crossed, staring at me. I guess he was staring. It was hard to tell what was going on behind that creepy black helmet of his.

But it was the breathing that disturbed me the most. Well, disturbed isn't the right word. I wondered if I should offer him a Breathe Right Strip or something.

For the longest time, he said nothing, just stood there. I was beginning to think he fell asleep or turned himself off or something when he finally spoke.

"I usually kill Jedi when I see them," Vader said.

Nice to meet you too, I thought. Now what was I supposed to say to that? Ah, yes.

"I usually kill Sith Lords when I see them," I replied and bowed. (Anakin moment there.)

Vader marched over and stood over me. I'm only 5'4, short for a Jedi, so when I say he stood over I'm not kidding. I had to crane my neck back to look up. I think this was supposed to scare me, but it didn't. I stared him down or rather stared him up as it was.

"You have no fear of me, especially being so short. I like that, Jedi," Vader said.

"I like tall men," I answered and stepped back. "Lord Vader, I sense something familiar about you. Have we met before?"

He laughed. It must have been a long since he laughed because he started snorting like a Bantha choking. Snort, breathe, laugh, snort, breathe. To cover up the snorts, he placed a hand over the front of the mask but it only made it worse. After composing himself, he cleared his throat.

"You could say that but that is unimportant. You are here because I need publicity shots for my new campaign. Do you have a problem with that?"

"Of course not."

Vader went onto explain the he wanted very intimidating shots. Then asked me if bright lights were going to be a problem. I told him I didn't think they would be but why was he asking.

"I'm very...uh, shiny," was his answer.

"Shiny can be very intimidating, Lord Vader."

As I was snapping away with holorecorder camera, I noticed something behind him. It stopped me in my tracks.

A Sith Lord with a stuffed bear? A Mr. Snuggles looking one at that?

He noticed my interest in that bear and I found my view blocked. You know, I tried to get over to the shelf for a better look. I really did, but I never got the chance.

However, as Tak was escorting me back to the transport ship, I made an excuse to run back, thinking maybe Vader would be gone and could get a look.

Instead, I saw this:



I'm telling you that is Mr. Snuggles! Awe, Vader loves his bear! *Falls off chair!*