Tuesday, June 27, 2006

This Just In...

We interrupt this blog to bring you a yet another special HoloNews bulletin!

This is reporter Wan Gooberman reporting.

*Anakin Skywalker* is on his way with Jedi Forces to Kashyyyk on a lead!

Dark Jedi Kriss' alter ego is reported to have been sick this week with Tummy Flu.

Reports from the Jedi Temple tell us that Master Yoda is so upset he refuses to come out of his quarters!

And simply refuses to change his PJs.

It's tragic!

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Jaina I'm ok. I was sick a bit this week. Thanks for checking on me!
 
posted by Unknown at 1:06 PM, | 11 Holos Received
Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Oh...

Something think about:

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Don't ask...
 
posted by Unknown at 3:09 AM, | 17 Holos Received
Thursday, June 15, 2006

News Report!

We interrupt this blog to bring you a special HoloNews bulletin!

This is reporter Wan Gooberman reporting.

We have been informed that Anakin Skywalker is on his way to Tatooine to check on a lead about the missing Jedi Kriss. The Counsel is reported to be very upset by her disapearance and we are told it could be Sith related.

Rumors are flying around the city!

Who has snatched the Jedi Knight?

Why?

Is true that Obi-Wan is posing for Jedi Girl Magazine?

Does Anakin Skywalker really have a harem?

What the hell does this photo mean??????

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Stay tuned in for more imformation as we get it!
 
posted by Unknown at 12:49 AM, | 9 Holos Received
Monday, June 12, 2006

Special Guest Poster: Skywalker









Update On Kriss.

Finding her isn't going to be easy. Read all about it.

Mission to Find Kriss Part 1

And something completly whacked!
Rouge Wars
 
posted by Unknown at 11:17 PM, | 0 Holos Received
Saturday, June 10, 2006

Missing

We interrupt this blog to bring you a special HoloNews bulletin!

This is reporter Wan Gooberman reporting from outside the Jedi Temple. We have just learned that Jedi Knight known as Dark Jedi Kriss is missing!

The female, revered for her talents as a photographer for the Jedi Order was last seen outside the Senate offices late yesterday, taking pictures of Supreme Chancellor Palpatine's thank you speech for his nomination for shortest old dude in office.

The last person to see Jedi Kriss before she disappeared was Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Wan Gooberman is lucky to have Master Obi-Wan with us for a exclusive interview.

Gooberman: Tell us, Master Obi-Wan, are there any leads or clues to who snatched Jedi Kriss?

Obi-Wan, rubbing his chin: No.

Gooberman: It has come to our attention that Jedi Kriss was very sneaky with her camera. Is it possible she was witness to something that might have put her in danger?

Obi-Wan: It is possible.

Gooberman: Is also possible that Anakin Skywalker, as joke, kidnapped Jedi Kriss?

Obi-Wan, looking annoyed: Hardly. He was with the Chancellor at the time, (Mutters) again. Besides they are friends, it would be a joke of very poor taste on his part.

Gooberman: Any enemies?

Obi-Wan: Anakin? Of course! Plenty.

Gooberman: No, Jedi Kriss.

Obi-Wan: Oh! Uh, not that I know of.

Gooberman: Is there anything you could tells that might aid in the search?

Obi-Wan: Only, that she was last seen walking to her speeder outside the Senate.

Gooberman: Was the speeder found?

Obi-Wan: Yes.

Gooberman: And?

Obi-Wan: And what?

Gooberman rolls his eyes: No clues?

Obi-Wan: No.

Gooberman: Well. Thank you, Master Obi-Wan you have been most helpful.

Now, we are going to speak to Anakin Skywalker, who just came out of the Senate offices. Runs over to Anakin, shoving his mike in Anakin's face.

Gooberman: Excuse me, Anakin. Could you please speak to us about the disappearance of Jedi Kriss?

Anakin: If I have too.

Gooberman: Do you have any ideas at to what might have happened?

Anakin: Tusken riders.

Gooberman: Did you say Tusken raiders?

Anakin: Anyone that disappears, it's usually a Tusken involved.

Gooberman, looking confused: On Coruscant?

Anakin: Why not?

Gooberman: Well, there you have it, ladies and gentleman. If you have any information please contact the Jedi Temple or the HoloNews offices!
 
posted by Unknown at 2:18 PM, | 10 Holos Received
Thursday, June 08, 2006

You Asked For It!

Anakin has forced my hand. He asked for it after what he did to me yesterday! You can read about it [here].

Covered in poodoo and mud, and everyone seeing it was not funny.

But this is.

You want to see Anakin in his Spiderman underwear?

Well, here you go!

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Dang, I'm still mad at him but I can still drool. Sigh.

Go tell him what you think about his boxers! LMAO!
 
posted by Unknown at 2:49 AM, | 10 Holos Received
Monday, June 05, 2006

Special Guest Poster: Tak: A Army of (Cl)one.

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"Trooper TK 266, Get over here." the duty officer barks.

I head over to his desk

"Seems you got friends in high place trooper."

I look a little confused.

"Anakin Skywalker requested that you come by the temple and help out with an issues he is having. His exact words were "Yo Dawg, can you send over Trooper Earl. I need him fizzle quick to help me out. I likes his style." Do you know how long it took us to figure out who the hell Earl was? If I get reports of you giving out a name instead of you ID number again, I'll have you written up faster than you can say Sith Spit. Am I Clear??!!"

"Yes, Sir. I'll go see Skywalker now."

"You are not reporting to Skywalker. You need to report to DJ Kriss or Darkly Kriss. Just ask for the photographer, TK 266."

As I head out to the Jedi Temple, I stew over the thought of how much Skywalker annoys me.

An hour later finds me in the Temple reception are waiting for Jedi Kriss. The musak is playing "The Girl From Iktotchon." daa d da daa, daa d da daa. Dang that song can get stuck in you head pretty fast.

A Jedi approaches. She has a camera around her neck.

"Hi. Are you the trooper I supposed to take pictures of today? I not sure why Ani insisted I do a publicity photo shoot for the G.A.R. I was hoping to get some action shot of him guarding Senator Amidala today. Oh well, come with me and I'll see what I can do to make you and that armor look good." she says in one breath.

I follow her, my annoyance with Skywalker growing by the minute.

We find a quite part of the temple and Jedi Kriss tells me to just pose for a bit so she can get some shots.

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"A little menacing don't you think. I think we are supposed to be making the general public fell less afraid of you freaks. Let try something else," she says.

Did she just call me a freak?

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Nope didn't like that pose either.

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"Your gun looks a little small, Why don't we take a break?" she tells me.

I head off the bathroom. While in there I hear the sound of the door and a click.

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"KRISS!!!!!"

I come out of the bathroom and glare at Kriss. "Give me that photo now."

"Not so fast there Trooper. I am losing a whole day of getting Anakin shots. So I need something to help pass the time. I'll give you this photo, but I need some from you for my personal collection."

"I don't think so."

"OK , I guess this can become the next recruiting poster the hit the HoloNet. I can see the caption now. "TK 266, GAR Trooper: Getting to PooDoo the Universe"

"You wouldn't!"

"Oh yes, I would."

I think about it for a minute. "Okay."

How bad could it be?

Again, I am reminded why I should never trust a Jedi.

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Note: DarkJediKriss didn't make these pictures.
 
posted by Unknown at 11:27 PM, | 9 Holos Received
Saturday, June 03, 2006

A Funny Prank

A few years ago, someone played a prank on Master Obi-Wan that was so funny I have to share.

The story goes like this:

Obi-Wan had to leave the Temple or some reason or other. He rushes down the hanger bay. His speeder isn't parked where it usually it. I was told that after a short search, he found it in the back of the hanger, covered by a tarp.

He whips off the tarp...

Someone had painted the speeder pink with green flowers.

Obi-Wan was fit to be tied when he saw it. He refused to leave in it, demanded another readied for his use. But there weren't any others available at the time.

He was stuck with it.

A Coruscant traffic lane camera took the following picture.

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Hideous, isn't it?

Why and who has never been discovered.

I think we know, don't you?
 
posted by Unknown at 2:55 AM, | 9 Holos Received