Delusions of Grandeur

I went on a search for my Ewok, Tee, this morning. He usually comes out and explores when Anakin isn't here at the Temple. He is scared to death of him. Not that that should matter, the Temple is so big he could easy not run into Ani, but you know Ewoks, better safe than sorry. I couldn't find him anywhere and I hoped he wasn't messing where he shouldn't be messing.

But of course he was. And he had help.

Master Yoda hobbles up to me in the one of the massive hallways and stops in front of me.

"In my closet your Ewok and that cat are. Get them out you must," he says.

"Yes, Master," I muttered. "I'll go get them."

Besides I always wanted to see inside Yoda's closet. Rumor is that in the back of there's a secret door that leads to Dolly Parton's house. He won't verify that, of course but Obi-Wan swears it's true.

I left Yoda and went right to his quarters. I was floored by all the Dolly holoposters and the huge doll of her by his bed. Life-sized, if you get me. Unable to help myself, I just stood there, gaping.

"Tell one you will not about what you see," Yoda said, sneaking up on me. "If a picture you take, the pressure washer you get."

Ouch!

So I went started dig around the closet when he left. No Ewok, no cat. Then I see it. A small, and I do mean small, door at the back on the bottom, opened a crack. Just big enough for me to squeeze through if I take off my belt, tabards, and tunic.

Stop that, I still had on an undershirt. Gutter minds.

Sure enough it was the secret door to infamous Dolly Parton's house. 80% of the Temple would die to know this was true. And here I was slipping through a small door in her house.

Right into a pair of western boots. I looked up, half in half out of the door.

"Well, hi! You aren't Yoda, is he ill or something?" Dolly asked me, big lashes flapping.

"No, ma'am. It would seem my Ewok and the Temple cat discovered this door. I think they are in your house," I answered. "This is your house?"

Blank stare. "You said there was a what in here, dear?"

"An Ewok."

More blank of the stare. I pulled myself out the door and stand up.

"Long story, ma'am. Yoda sent me to get them out of his closet but I think they came in here."

Even more blank stare.

"Mind if I look around?" I asked.

"Let her look you must!" A voice calls out behind me. "A mess they will leave if unfound they are!"

"Oh, Yoda! My little green love monster!" Dolly cries and runs over. She picks Yoda up his face and lathers him with kisses. Little green love monster? Geeesssssssss! By the Force! I thought I was going to be sick!

"Of course your little Jedi can look around!" she finally says with a great big, red smile.

Little Jedi? I'm short but not that short! But I say thank you and start looking around. It didn't take long to find them. In the kitchen, helping themselves in the freezer. Quickly, I rounded them up and paraded them back to the small door.

That was when Mrs. Parton begans to scream, pointing at Tee. Tee screams back and runs behind me.

She likes Yoda but an Ewok scares her to death?

Sith Hell broke lose. Tee was screaming, Dolly went up on a chair, and Gar-Gar went up my back and on to my head, hissing at the huge blond woman. Gar-Gar is not a small cat, my friends. I nearly fell over from his weight.

In the end, I got Gar-Gar off me, Tee quite, and Yoda got Dolly down from the chair and sat in her lap. I'm wishing I had never seen that. It's so wrong on so many levels.

Before I left them, which was pretty fast, I did managed to get this picture.



Cute in a odd sort of way.