Delusions of Grandeur

We walked into a nightclub and had to blink because the lights were flashing. I had been here before. Anakin had snuck a bunch of us Padawan's out the Temple for his birthday one year. We parted till we dropped, so wasted I don't know how we made it back. So I thought, this was place to show Tak a good time.

We order a few drinks, take a seat. It didn't take long for the men to start hitting on us. Drunken men like to hit on female Jedi, don't ask me why. They just do. And a female storm trooper adds to the pot, if you get me.

This one guy comes up to Tak and I swear he looks like someone I know. In fact, I'm pretty sure I know who it was. Anyway, he starts hitting our Tak like his life depending on her liking him. You name it this guy tries it, drinks, flattery, the works. All the time with a hood hiding his face.

"So what do I if this guy is butt ugly like a Hutt and asks me back to his place?" Tak asks leans over and asks me.

Trade secret. Men listen up. "This why ladies go out together in two or a pack. If there are two, like you and me, you tell the guy you're with your girlfriend and it's her birthday and you just can't leave," I whisper back.

Tak eyes go wide. "OH! So that's why I keep hearing that."

"It works." I thought for a second. "Girls tell you that? You lie!"

Tak nodded. "They do. We should have picked up Henchwomyn and Headmistress Xavier. I have a feeling your tips will come in handy later." Then she turns back to Mr. Sweettalk.

Meantime while they are chatting it up, I hear it, the asthmatic breathing. I whip around on my stool and there he is. Again.

"Are you following me?" I ask.

"You gave me the wrong picture negative, Jedi," Darth Vader says.

It's funny how I can't hold my liquor. One drink and I'm loopy. So loopy I started to poke the buttons on his suit. "I did too! What does this red one do?" I reached for it and he caught my arm.

"It turns off my air conditioning. You gave me a picture of the riddle monkey and some blond."

Tak looks over her shoulder and jumps to her feet. "Lord Vader!"

Darth turns that big head of his and looks at Tak. I was wondering what his expression was under there, so I tried to peek under it. Of course, I couldn't see anything, so stuck my finger under the rim.

Darth slaps my arm like fly. "Do that again, woman and I'll pop your head!" He swings to Tak. "As you for you, I'm going to pretend I didn't see you. I'm might be sick otherwise. Cover your stomach if you can't advertise for the Empire instead of that silly tattoo!"

I lost it. I couldn't help it. I fell over laughing.

Darth turns back to me. "You're wasted!"

"I am not. I've only had one drink!" I raised my glass. "I haven't finished it yet, either!"

"Disgraceful!" he spat.

I poke him again, right in the gut. (Brave aren't I?) "You know, buster, you really need to stop acting like some one sat in your Imperial Cornflakes all the time!"

"My Imperial what?"

"Imperial Cornflakes! The Cereal! By the Force, what rock have you been under?"

Darth points to his helmet. I lost it again. I could hear Tak and her new friend laughing along with me. It was about then that our mystery man's face flashed for a brief second. I really lost it then, I covered my mouth and let it go, nearly coming off the chair.

Darth seen it too. "Sith Spawn! Is that Obi-Wa- "

I slapped my hand over Darth's mouthpiece. "You mentioned a picture?" I smiled, hoping it would distract him. It worked.

"Uh, yes. You know which one. Get to me or I'll pop your head!" he mutters under my hand.

He says that lot. I moved my hand. "You need a drink. Here," I shoved my Sith Slammer in his very large hand. Then motioned him to hold on a second and grabbed a straw. "Here, this should help."

He doesn't move. I gave him an encouraging smile. He slowly moves the drink close to his face and slips the straw in the openings. The sound slurping starts, really loud slurping. Slurrrppppp!

I patted his hand. "You just enjoy that. It's my friend's birthday today and we have to go!" I grabbed Tak and pulled her off the stool, leaving Darth standing there with straw hanging off his face.

Mr. Sweettalk jumps in front of us before we hit the door. He waves his hand in my face. "You never seen me."

"Doesn't work on me. Helooooo, Jedi!" I said as he took off but not without handing Tak his comm number first.

I seen him alright and got a shot of him sidestepping away and Tak waving.



Uh-huh, we know, don't we, who that is!