Delusions of Grandeur

"Excuse me?" I said, standing before the holoprojector.

"You heard me. Stop calling me, Darth, woman! My name is Vader!"

Tell me again why I took this call? Because the switchboard operator was sick of taking messages and lying about where I was. So I decided to take the next one. I mean, really, 70 messages and threats are too much, don't you think? I wanted to get to the bottom of this nuttiness.

"Aren't you a 'Darth'?" I asked glumly.

He crossed his arms and I supposed, glared. "All Sith Lords are 'Darth' something or another, Jedi. My name is Vader. V.a.d.e.r."

I rolled my eyes. He didn't have to spell it. "And who came up with that name?"

Darth, excuse me, V.A.D.E.R., shifted on his feet. "Palp- Sidious did."

"It's interesting. What does it mean?" I asked curiously.

"Invader or something," he replied flatly.

Original. That Sidious, brilliant. (Sarcasm) Could be worse, he could have called him Darth Tater.

I took a deep breath. "Okay, VADER, let's get this over with. Clear the air. What's up the holos? The remarks, the roses, following me around, and the- " I looked around for the box. "The Imperial brownies? By the way, those were very good, thank you. Oh, and is that you I keep seeing flying around here?"

Vader stared, again I assume, he was staring. His fingers stared tapping on his arms, and his asthmatic breathing grated my nerves. "What order do you want those answered in?" Vader snorted at his own joke.

I reached for the console. "Hanging up now-"

"Don't you dare! I'll pop-" he started.

I cut him off. "If you say it, I swear, I'm going to forget I'm Jedi, fly myself through a time worm hole, board your ship and beat your helmet in!"

"Your head off," he finished as if I said nothing.

ACK! I had to close my eyes and count to ten. "Meet me and I'll answer you," he said and my flashed open.

"Meet you? Are you mad? I've seen enough of you for a lifetime! You are a serious pain in my Republic backside!"

He snorted again. "Not very Jedi of you."

"Like you would know," I told him.

"Oh, I know." Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in breathe out. "More than you know."

"I hate it when you say that! 'More than you know',” I mocked. "Just tell me all ready!"

"Meet me and maybe I'll tell you."

Right about then my head was beginning to ache. "If I meet you will you say whatever you have to say and leave me alone after that?"

"No."

I gritted my teeth. "Do you have to be maddening?” Sith Spit! (Not a pun.) He chuckled. WTF? "Fine! I'll meet you. One time, that's it. Somewhere private, I don't need anyone seeing me with you. I get enough grief about the date and that party you crashed," I told him.

I named the place and the time. Force help me!, I'm getting to the bottom of this cause he is driving me nuts! Wish me luck.

I think I'm going to need it.

TBC

Update! I would like to humbly say I'm sorry for the fight between Vader and Anakin in the comment section. I was checking my commnets with A.O.T.S. Anakin Over The Shoulder. And well, you see what happened. I tried to stop it but that wasn't happening. Anyway, feel free to commnet anyway. *shakes head*