Delusions of Grandeur

I feel really confused. Have you any idea how hard it is to hate someone your heart really doesn’t want to hate even through it should? I'm a Jedi, we don't hate. But when you find out the things I have, you want to hate.

If I go back, I'm in for by the Counsel. If I leave again and come back here, it will be a permanent thing. I won't be able to go back. So should I stay here and get more answers, then go back and try to change what's to come? The more I stay, the more I feel the spark of goodness in Vader. He knew I would. I can't help wanting to work on that.

And dayum it, I can't help liking the creep too, despite what I know.

And he did come back for me. That would be a considerate thing... if I knew who he really was.

A few days after the assassination attempt on me, I walked into on the funniest sight I have ever seen.

Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith... tyrant of the future... drunk.

Yep, you read right. Drunk, wasted, bombed, loaded.

I don't think he was expecting me to see him that way. In fact, I'm sure he was sure I wouldn't. There were guards posted at his office doors, which I charmed to let me in. Vader was sitting at his desk drinking from a huge mug, and I do mean huge, with a straw of course.

"Get out!" he snapped.

“No. I need to know if my camera is your tie-fighter, I can't find- " Vader hiccupped and I stopped speaking. "Did you just hiccup at me?"

"No, I did not. Get out," he answered, slurring his words.

I eyed the mug. "What are you drinking? Um, slurping?"

"Hot coco." He burped.

"Pudu!" I walked over. "I don't care if you’re drinking. I need my camera. Where is it?"

Vader snorted. "Like I know."

"Tell your men in the hanger to let me search the fighter."

Vader stared at me. "Nope."

"I'm not going to fly off in it, Vader," I told him.

"Yes, you weels," he slurred, hiccupping again.

I snickered. He was trying so hard to hide the fact he was wasted. "How many have you had of those?"

He waved his hand, accidentally knocking over a lamp. "I wost count."

"One that big should be enough," I said.

"Ones is never enough," he muttered, shoving the straw back in his grill.

I leaned over the desk into the mug. Ale, he was drinking ale. It smelled good. I had been a while since I had a good stiff drink myself.

"Care to share that with a girl?"

Out came a bottle and another mug, a enormous mug. I filled it up and plopped in a chair.

"What's got you so upset you need a drink?" I asked.

"Hideous."

I laughed. "Hideous? You mean Sidious?"

"Yeah, him."

"What he do now?"

"I'm not telling yous," Vader answered. "You going to drink that or just hold it?"

I stuck my tongue out at him. I titled the mugs back and drank the whole darn thing in one large gulp. I wiped my lips and smiled. Vader stared at me, I guess gaping.

"I used to drink Anakin under the table," I told him. "And he could drink."

"He still can," he muttered. At least I think that is what he said.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Hmm? I didn't say anything."

I stood up. Bad idea. See the key to drinking is not getting up while you're doing it. I drank the ale too fast and too much of it, it went right to my head at a rapid pace. "Oh, Sith," I said, right before I titled backwards and fell to the floor like a tree. I could hear Vader laughing. Really laughing.

I was dizzy but I couldn't help laughing. I started giggling like a youngling. A black spot met my eyes. Vader was leaning over the desk, which he could do because he was so tall.

"TIMBER!" he shouted.

Later on, I found this holo. Yeah. He needs counseling, I think. Everyone is calling him Chad... odd. And who frack is Clarissa?