Delusions of Grandeur

Here is part two. Sit back and don't drink or eat anything while reading.


We finally get into Dex's. I walk in with hulking monster behind me, and very eye in the place stares. Dex is smirking at me. I swear I'm never speaking to him again. Okay, I lied, I will.

He had reserved us a table in the back. Thank the Force for that. I could hide.

A waitress comes over and I order a drink, Jawa Juice, and a big one. A really big one. Darth orders the same, then sits there, staring. At least, I think he was staring, hard to tell with that helmet on.

"I want that negative back," he finally said.

"I'm not talking about that tonight, Darth," I told him.

"You will give it me."

"No, I won’t."

"I'll pop- "

I gave him a very nasty look. "My head. That's getting old."

"Woman- "

"Shut up!" I said angrily. "Or I'll leave!"

"I don't care!"

"Fine!" I got up.

Now here's the strange part. He grabs my arm. "Sit down!"

"Why?" I asked.

"I said so!" he said.

"By the Force, you are worse than Anakin after eating chocolate!" I cried.

"You're making a scene, woman! Now sit down!" Darth shouts.

"Make me, you bully!" I shouted back.

He stood up. I sat down. What can I say? Darth is seven feet tall to my five/four, and very loud.

The waitress comes back and I gulped down half of Jaw Juice before Darth could get his straw out. Then he seemed to be having trouble getting it in one of the holes of his mask so he could drink.

I'm a nice person, so I helped him. I reached over and shoved it in. I kinda heard him say ouch. It got stuck! Not my fault.

I grabbed a menu and pretended to read it. Slurp, slurp, slurp. Out comes the straw and he burps. I almost giggled.

"How do you eat wearing that, if I may ask?" I had to know.

"Blender," he muttered. "And a larger straw."

I shouldn't have asked. Time to change the subject. I peeked over the menu. "So, tell me about yourself. Real name, age, why you're so grumpy all the time?”

"I'm not grumpy, I'm a Sith."

"How did you know that picture was of Dooku?" I inquired.

Darth says nothing for a few seconds. "I've seen it before."

"Oh?"

No reply. Next question. "Why did you enter the contest?" No reply. Moving on. "How’s therapy going?"

"You ask to many question, Jedi," Darth said shortly. "1, 2, 3, 4- " BANG! He slams his fist on the table.

"Goodness, you have a temper! I'm not going to sit here and not talk. I don't know anything about you. I'm just making conversation," I told him.

"You know enough," was his reply.

"No, I do not."

"Yes, you do!"

Here we go again. Now I'm thinking, if I can excuse myself and climb out the bathroom window, I can get back to the Temple before he knows I'm gone. I was just about to do that when the waitress comes back and asks, snapping her chewing gum, if there was a problem.

Darth stares at her. Snap, snap, chomp, chomp. "You look like a Bantha chewing grass,' Darth muttered. She was chewing so hard she didn't hear him and asked what we wanted.

"One of everything," Darth replies.

"Excuse me, dear? I didn't catch that," the waitress chomps at him.

"I said, one of everything. Don't make me say it again!" he shouts. "And bring me a blender!"

You can imagine my surprise. I stared at Darth. "One of everything?"

"I'm hungry."

Sorry, Jaba that is going to be one heck of a bill. Don't blame me.


The food started coming, plate by plate. I nibbled on this and that and watched Darth blend up his food and drink it. Disturbing, I tell you, but not a gross as I thought it would be. I have seen Anakin eat bugs, so I can handle this.

It was kinda cute watching him stuff fries in his facemask, and suck them in. Did I just say that? EEK!

Anyway, he doesn't say anything for a long time, just eats. Darth isn't so bad as long as he can't talk. He floated food to my plate, which was nice of him. Kept my drink filled too.

I don't know why I did it. I really don't. I flicked a fry at him. He froze, stared at me and flicked it back. With no expression at all, I lifted another and tossed it at his head.

Never start a food fight with a Sith Lord in a black suit. You can't win. Didn't stop me from trying, although.

We made a really big mess. I had things in my hair I can't spell. When the Bantha ribs came at me, it got ugly. Mashed potato on his helmet is hilarious, I don't care who you are!

I think we gave Dex a heart attack!

The only reason it stopped was the pie. I smashed the pie in his face. He clogged up and started coughing. "Oh, pudu!" I cried and tried to remove the mess so he could breathe. The only way to get it out was to stick my hand, I have small hands, up under his mask and push it out.

"Sorry," I said and waited for him to get mad. He didn't. Instead, he hit me in the face the rest of the pie.

I was cleaning off my face when someone marches up to the table.

"Lord Vader, excuse- " I looked up to see Tak standing there, his mouth falling to the floor at the sight of Darth covered in food.

"What?" Darth shouted. Tak can only stare from Darth to me and back again. Darth crosses his arm and casually flicks potato off his arm. "Sometime today would be nice!"

"Uh, yes, sir! Lord Sidious is requesting your presence, Lord Vader," Tak finally manages to say.

"Well, I’m busy!"

"Yes, sir!" Tak answers and waits. "What do I tell him, sir?"

Darth tapped his fingers together. "Tell him to fly a kite to the Death Star! I don't care! Go away!" he shouted in a child like way.

It creeps me out how sometimes he reminds me of Anakin. And right then he sounded a lot like a nine year old Anakin Skywalker.

Tak leaves but not before he leans over and whispers, "20,000 credits if you can make him laugh," before he walks away.

"At least you didn't toss a chair at him this time," I said to Darth was Tak walked off, smiling.

"Oh yeah, forgot." Up goes a chair and it flies at Tak, knocking him over.

And then Darth laughs, really letting it out. Tak could hear it, and I made the signal to 'show me the credits'. He was pouting under his helmet as he got up and left, I know it.

So, the date was pretty much over after that. Darth took me back to the Temple and this time stayed put in his ship. I stood outside of it. Awakard momnent here.

"You aren't half bad for a Jedi," he muttered.

"You aren't half bad for a Sith Lord," I replied.

We said good night and he left.

Oh, and Tak was right! Darth does smell like English Leather and baked ham! LMAO!

End note: Sorry about that huge bill, Jaba, and the bill for the Dex sent you for cleaning up the place. LMAO!