Delusions of Grandeur

Jaba spat globs of tobacco on the floor a lot. It’s gross. The first time he shot it over my head to the floor, I elbowed his gut. It made him burp beer bubbles. That was equally nasty.

I was laying his dais, with this uncomfortable outfit on, bored out of my mind. Suddenly a big glob of Hutt drool plopped on my head. I reached up and wiped it off.

“Hey! Stop that! Get a napkin!” I told him, elbowing his guts once again.

“Sorry, grily, can’t help it. It’s a Hutt thing.” He cracked open a beer. “Want one?”

“No thanks,” I muttered sourly, crossing my arms over my chest. “Let me see little Ani.”

Jaba took a long gulp and burped. “Nope. I sent him back to Watto. I don’t need kids around here.”

I jumped up, chains rattling. “You did what? When?”

“This mornin’. He anit my slave, girly. I just kept him long enough to make sure ya stayed with me a while.”

I glared. “You know, you have to sleep sometime.”

He wiggled his tongue at me and went ppppppffff! “I anit scared of no Jedee! That thang on your neck keeps you from using that mambo jumbo hocus pocus on me!”

“You really don’t know me very well. There are other ways of getting you, Hutt.”

He laughed. Ok, Vader, where the Hoth are you?



I'm not amused by this outfit but I do look good in it.

Thanks to Xavier for this pic. He made it during Last Gladiator Standing 2 and gave it to me. Thanks, bro, you rock.

I found some old Holos I thought I would share.

Let me tell you... Vader can't sing but he does try.



This is what happen when Vader has toooooooo much suger.

“OOOOOWEEEE! She is purty!” a voice echoed in my dreams. I pulled open my eyes and was faced with the ugliest thing I have ever seem. A Hutt. I was being held up in his face by two fowl looking creatures.

I grimaced. “Get a breath mint.”

“Looky! The Jedee is waking up! Hello, girly,” the breaths on me.

Looking him over, and there was a lot to look over, I glared. He was huge, and he wore overalls. Odd for a Hutt, me thinks. Little hands waved a beer can around, it splashed me.

“Watch it, slug,” I shouted.

The Hutt snorted and burped. “Be nice, Jedee, or I’ll make your little pal disappear.”

I heard them drag little Ani in. He was screaming and kicking. I struggled to turn and look at him. He looked sacred to death.

“I’m sorry, DJ!” he cried.

I winked at him. “It’s ok. Just chill out.”

He nodded really slowly. I turned back to Jaba. “This not a good idea, Hutt.”

A snort. “Yeah, yeah, I know, you gots powerful friends, I will regreat this, blablabla. Heard it before you know.”

I smiled sarcastically. “What do want from me anyway?”

“Girly, I want you to waer tiny clothes and dance! For me. Right here,” he says.

“I don’t dance.”

He leans in and his tongue flops in the air. “You will or I’ll eat the boy.”

“Excuse me?”

Jaba smiles. “I’ll BBQ him and eat him with a baked potato.”

I heard Anakin gurgle. Did I think he would do it? Yeah, I did. Something about BBQ made me think of Vader on Mustafar. So not cool. Not a mental image I want.

“Send Anakin home and I’ll stay,” I said.

“Heck no! Little twerp is my insurance policy. He stays, you dance, I’m happy, everyone lives.”

This was not good.