Delusions of Grandeur

“I should fry you where you sit, blob,” Vader spat.

Jaba snorted. “OH! Looka here! Robo-Sith is calling names!”

I felt Vader tense, he had me pressed back against him, covered with his cape. I pulled the cape down so I could see: he jerked it back up. I jerked it back down. I was too darn close to him and now I couldn’t breathe.

“It’s just my head, Vader! Let me breathe! They’ve seen what I’m wearing already!” I told him. He growled. Really growled. I looked up, way up, at him in surprise. “I’m guessing this really bothers you.” He shoved my head under the cape again,

“Just take her already. She’s a pain anyhoo! I don’t needs his trouble. Redheads!” Jaba snorted again and burped. “I shoulda fed her to he rancor but she probably would have cooked him for dinner tho.”

I peeked out again. “You darn tight I would have!” Vader shoved my head down again.

“Stop that!” I cried, popping out again.

“And that metal bikini anit cheep so leave it at the door when ya leave, if you don’t mind. Your pal here and keep ya nekkiness covered!” Jaba said tossing a beer can over his shoulder.

The dark side waved over me. Oh, boy, I thought, here it comes. Vader lifted his hand and Jaba went toppling backward off his dais, flat on his back, little hands wiggling. I giggled. I couldn’t help it.

“Send me a bill,” Vader hissed, one arm going around my waist, lifting me off me feet. He spun on his heel and stormed out of the receiving room. He carried me like that all the way outside into the hot heat.

“Vader?” I said. No reply. “Vader!” Still nothing. “VADER!”

“WHAT?” he snapped.

“You can put me down now.”

“I don’t think so,” he breathed at me.

“Ok, Anakin, be that way!” I shouted. He froze in mid-step and dropped me in the sand face first. I looked up with a face covered with it. “Thanks.”

He wiped off his cape, dropped over me and pointed. “You have accepted it, good. But never call me that again. Anakin is dead.”

I stood up, clutching the cape around me. “Depends on your point of view, you know,” I shot back.

I jumped wake. Jaba was moving around and his tail slapped my head. He looked down at me with a very unhappy expression.

“Get up, girly! Get behind me, we got company. I don’t want you seen!” he spat, drool hitting me.

Hr yanked the chain and I literally slid over his nasty, slimly body, and on the dais behind him with a thump. Frack! That hurt my neck! I kicked his tail as hard as I could and he groaned.

“Stop kicking me! Be still all dag nabbed ready! Put a blaster on her please!”

I did, not that I wanted too. I was at a slight disadvantaged without the Force and with a goon with a blaster in my face.

Then I heard it. The sweetest, most annoying sound ever! Fixed, mechanical breathing! Vader!

“Holy daisy-dukes! Who the in tar are you, big boy?” Jaba spurted.

“Your worse nightmare,” I muttered, with a smile.

“The girl, where is she?” Vader snapped, ignoring the question.

“What girl, I anit got no girl! And who do you think you are? Walking up in here like you own the place!” Jaba smarted off.

There was a muffled choking sound, then two loud thumps. More or less Vader had just Force choked two of his minions and then dropped them like rocks.

Jaba jiggled a bit. “Oh! You mean THAT girl! The Jedee! She is right here.” He kicked me with his tail.

I jumped up. "It's about time!" I snapped.

Jaba spat globs of tobacco on the floor a lot. It’s gross. The first time he shot it over my head to the floor, I elbowed his gut. It made him burp beer bubbles. That was equally nasty.

I was laying his dais, with this uncomfortable outfit on, bored out of my mind. Suddenly a big glob of Hutt drool plopped on my head. I reached up and wiped it off.

“Hey! Stop that! Get a napkin!” I told him, elbowing his guts once again.

“Sorry, grily, can’t help it. It’s a Hutt thing.” He cracked open a beer. “Want one?”

“No thanks,” I muttered sourly, crossing my arms over my chest. “Let me see little Ani.”

Jaba took a long gulp and burped. “Nope. I sent him back to Watto. I don’t need kids around here.”

I jumped up, chains rattling. “You did what? When?”

“This mornin’. He anit my slave, girly. I just kept him long enough to make sure ya stayed with me a while.”

I glared. “You know, you have to sleep sometime.”

He wiggled his tongue at me and went ppppppffff! “I anit scared of no Jedee! That thang on your neck keeps you from using that mambo jumbo hocus pocus on me!”

“You really don’t know me very well. There are other ways of getting you, Hutt.”

He laughed. Ok, Vader, where the Hoth are you?



I'm not amused by this outfit but I do look good in it.

Thanks to Xavier for this pic. He made it during Last Gladiator Standing 2 and gave it to me. Thanks, bro, you rock.

I found some old Holos I thought I would share.

Let me tell you... Vader can't sing but he does try.



This is what happen when Vader has toooooooo much suger.