Delusions of Grandeur

ECK! Someone shoot me with a blaster!

Darth Vader contacted me by holo last night. It distressed me out so bad I spent the whole night locked in my room eating Obi-Wan's Cheetos.

"I want that picture, Jedi," Darth begins.

"I told you, I don't have it!" I told him. "And stop calling me, it's getting annoying!"

"I will NOT!" A chair goes flying.

About that time Skywalker walked in. "What the- " he muttered. "Hey, that's the jerk from therapy!"

"He wants a picture from me."

Anakin looked pained. "Not one of me, I hope."

I rolled my eyes. "Not everyone in the galaxy is looking for pictures of you, you know!" I pulled out the picture in question and showed him.

"That looks like Mr. Snuggles!" Anakin said.

"You do STILL have it! Give to me!" Darth shouts.

Oops, forgot he was watching.

"Not the one you want." I hid the picture behind me.

Darth tries to grab my throat through the holo. "Dude! That doesn't work that way!" Anakin told him.

"Mind your business, Skywalker! You will give that picture to me, Jedi, or I'll- "

"Pop my head. Yes, I know." I finished for him.

Darth starts muttering. "Unbelievable! Women!"

"He has a point on that," Anakin tossed in. I slapped the back his of head. "Watch the hair! I just had it feathered!"

And he wonders why people go on and on about his hair?

Darth crosses his arms, his foot tapping. He growls, then says, "If it's hair you're worried about, Skywalker, you should be scared."

Anakin eyed him. "Why, you missing yours?"

I shut the holo off before it got ugly.

Anakin smirks. "I think someone likes you."

"Shut up!"

Anakin goes on. "Isn't that sweet?"

I shoved him back toward the door.

"All he needs is a hug, Kriss. Give him a hug!"

I shut the door in his face.

"He just needs a little love!" Anakin shouts through the door, laughing.

I got a whole bag of itching powder with his name all over it.

He won't be laughing in the morning.

Where are those Cheetos? Ah, here they are.

Hum this should easy, I think.

1. Grab the nearest book.

*Looks around grabs nearest book.* Mace Windu's best seller "Big Pimpin".

2. Open the book to page 123.

*Flip. flip* Chapter called "Dress for Success"

3. Find the fifth sentence.

Ok, got it.

4. Post the text of it and the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.

"The clothes are key.
Fancy suits, and bling bling.
You can never have to many gold chains.
You have to look cool to rule."

5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

I was going to reach for "Places A Jedi Never Goes Without Backup".

6. Tag three people. Heeheheee *evil grin*

I will tag, Barriss, Phobia, and Jabba.

HoloBlog User's Password Overwritten.

I read Anakin's report. For once, that is actually how things happened. Give or take a little.

The real WHY Dooku kidnapped me was omitted.

I had pictures, taken by request, of a certain Jedi and his wife, on their wedding day, pictures that can't get out to the public. I swore they never would, and I've kept that promise.

I say 'had' because I gave them to the person who can protect them better that I can.

Dooku grilled me relentlessly for information and wanted those pictures badly. I told him nothing other than he was crazy and that rumor was untrue. I have loose tooth over that and a nice bruise on my face.

Someone better never say I don't care or he'll have a loose tooth.

Barriss is acting strange too. I need to talk to her when we gat back to the Temple. Something odd is going on with her.

On a closing note, Ani wasn't too happy about me getting Commander Cody to stick the P'weck in his room yesterday. He knocked on my door and just walked in. Didn't say a word, just handed me the bird and left.

He was shirtless.

He has to stop doing that.

*smirk*

I did keep one picture, only because my Ewok Tee decided to be a ham.

We walked into a nightclub and had to blink because the lights were flashing. I had been here before. Anakin had snuck a bunch of us Padawan's out the Temple for his birthday one year. We parted till we dropped, so wasted I don't know how we made it back. So I thought, this was place to show Tak a good time.

We order a few drinks, take a seat. It didn't take long for the men to start hitting on us. Drunken men like to hit on female Jedi, don't ask me why. They just do. And a female storm trooper adds to the pot, if you get me.

This one guy comes up to Tak and I swear he looks like someone I know. In fact, I'm pretty sure I know who it was. Anyway, he starts hitting our Tak like his life depending on her liking him. You name it this guy tries it, drinks, flattery, the works. All the time with a hood hiding his face.

"So what do I if this guy is butt ugly like a Hutt and asks me back to his place?" Tak asks leans over and asks me.

Trade secret. Men listen up. "This why ladies go out together in two or a pack. If there are two, like you and me, you tell the guy you're with your girlfriend and it's her birthday and you just can't leave," I whisper back.

Tak eyes go wide. "OH! So that's why I keep hearing that."

"It works." I thought for a second. "Girls tell you that? You lie!"

Tak nodded. "They do. We should have picked up Henchwomyn and Headmistress Xavier. I have a feeling your tips will come in handy later." Then she turns back to Mr. Sweettalk.

Meantime while they are chatting it up, I hear it, the asthmatic breathing. I whip around on my stool and there he is. Again.

"Are you following me?" I ask.

"You gave me the wrong picture negative, Jedi," Darth Vader says.

It's funny how I can't hold my liquor. One drink and I'm loopy. So loopy I started to poke the buttons on his suit. "I did too! What does this red one do?" I reached for it and he caught my arm.

"It turns off my air conditioning. You gave me a picture of the riddle monkey and some blond."

Tak looks over her shoulder and jumps to her feet. "Lord Vader!"

Darth turns that big head of his and looks at Tak. I was wondering what his expression was under there, so I tried to peek under it. Of course, I couldn't see anything, so stuck my finger under the rim.

Darth slaps my arm like fly. "Do that again, woman and I'll pop your head!" He swings to Tak. "As you for you, I'm going to pretend I didn't see you. I'm might be sick otherwise. Cover your stomach if you can't advertise for the Empire instead of that silly tattoo!"

I lost it. I couldn't help it. I fell over laughing.

Darth turns back to me. "You're wasted!"

"I am not. I've only had one drink!" I raised my glass. "I haven't finished it yet, either!"

"Disgraceful!" he spat.

I poke him again, right in the gut. (Brave aren't I?) "You know, buster, you really need to stop acting like some one sat in your Imperial Cornflakes all the time!"

"My Imperial what?"

"Imperial Cornflakes! The Cereal! By the Force, what rock have you been under?"

Darth points to his helmet. I lost it again. I could hear Tak and her new friend laughing along with me. It was about then that our mystery man's face flashed for a brief second. I really lost it then, I covered my mouth and let it go, nearly coming off the chair.

Darth seen it too. "Sith Spawn! Is that Obi-Wa- "

I slapped my hand over Darth's mouthpiece. "You mentioned a picture?" I smiled, hoping it would distract him. It worked.

"Uh, yes. You know which one. Get to me or I'll pop your head!" he mutters under my hand.

He says that lot. I moved my hand. "You need a drink. Here," I shoved my Sith Slammer in his very large hand. Then motioned him to hold on a second and grabbed a straw. "Here, this should help."

He doesn't move. I gave him an encouraging smile. He slowly moves the drink close to his face and slips the straw in the openings. The sound slurping starts, really loud slurping. Slurrrppppp!

I patted his hand. "You just enjoy that. It's my friend's birthday today and we have to go!" I grabbed Tak and pulled her off the stool, leaving Darth standing there with straw hanging off his face.

Mr. Sweettalk jumps in front of us before we hit the door. He waves his hand in my face. "You never seen me."

"Doesn't work on me. Helooooo, Jedi!" I said as he took off but not without handing Tak his comm number first.

I seen him alright and got a shot of him sidestepping away and Tak waving.



Uh-huh, we know, don't we, who that is!

After Tak's astounding transformation and trying to give him- uh, her some female advice on what not to wear, I decided to drag Tak out for a night on the town. Jedi Girl Style. Ok, don't freak out. I fended off all the men. Tak didn't wake up with some nerf header in a seedy hotel in the lower levels of the city.

I made my way to his quarters, which had about 24 clone troopers crowding the hallway. I could hear the whispers about the hot female trooper and things I won't even repeat. Then I heard them about myself. I think my hinny got slapped at least 9 times down that hallway.

Halfway down it, I froze. Charging down the other end was Darth Vader in all his tall, asthmatic glory. I stood out like a sore thumb. A Jedi with red hair in the middle of a swarm of deprived clone troopers... yeah I stood out.

He stops and stares at me, crossing his arms. 24 white helmet heads look at me and then at Darth. I put my arm behind me and try to look innocent. (I'm good at that.) too bad Jedi mind tricks don't work on a Sith. I wanted to disappear in to the wall.

"All of you to your stations NOW!" he barked and they scattered like mice. Being scared to death of Darth didn't stop them from slapping my hinny some more as they trampled by. When the hall was clear he stepped closer, too close for me. I thought, here we go again with the Scary Sith thing again.

"I'm waiting," Darth said.

"I don't have it," I answered.

"Yes, you do."

"I don't. I forgot it," I said.

His foot started to tap on the floor. I sighed. "All right all ready! Here!" I handed him the infamous Mr. Snuggles teddy picture negative. "Happy now? Well, you stop sending me holos telling me you're going to pop my head off?"

"No," he answered, snatching the holo and spinning his heel. He started to round the corner and he paused, looking back at me. "You look very pretty today." And then he was gone.

I did a double take. What he say? *shiver* By the Force, someone tell me I heard wrong! ECK! Double ECK!

Now I really need a drink at this point so I knock on Tak door. I wanted to get him- her and get the heck off this ship. Far, far, away. (Aren't I 'Pun'ny'?)

A very sweet voice tells me to enter and I do.

"What are you doing?" I cried.

"Giving my midriff a fake tattoo. See?" Tak answers, turning around.

By the Force, Tak is a red head! Earlier it was dark brown. The hair and the cleverly placed tattoo was surprising. My mouth fell open.

"What?" She patted her hair. "You don't like?"

I nodded. "I like it, just wasn't expecting it, that's all." I looked over her outfit. "I thought you weren't going to wear that."

"I changed my mind. Girls do that don't they?"

*sigh* Yeah we do that.

After 45 minutes of girly stuff, I got Tak out the door and down to my shuttle but not before a few of the guys stopped us a picture.



Tak took to being a chick really fast. Too fast if you ask me.

Part Two coming soon.

Hey I think I got Skywalker's and he got mine. LMAO!

Your Theme Song is Back in Black by AC/DC

"Back in black, I hit the sack, I've been too long, I'm glad to be back" Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos. But each time you stage your comeback, it's even better than the last!