Delusions of Grandeur

Location: Vader's ship. A few days later.

Yeah, I'm still here. The Counsel must think me dead by now. I can't contact them to tell other wise. It's not possible to send holo through wormholes. I can't sense them in the Force either.

Next question. Why have I stayed? Because, I'm too nice. I stayed against my better judgment but honestly it hasn't been that bad. Now here is the part you won't believe, because I can't myself. Vader was actually- dare I say it? He has been nice. Well, as nice he can get but I could tell the difference. Crazy, huh?

Yesterday, I spent half of the day on the bridge. Vader pointed out everything. Bragging, naturally but that was all right. Now this impressive! Huge! A long ramp from one end to the other, a lower section where the crew was. General Tarkin scowled at me as we stood at the front of the ship. I peeked around Vader and smirked at him. I really don't like that guy.

"What's Sidious going to think about me being here?" I asked when we walked into his office.

Vader placed his hands on his desk and leaned over on it. "I really don't even a pudu what he thinks. Should I?"

"He is your Master, right?" I asked, sitting down.

"More of a royal pain in my Imperial backside," he replied.

"You don't get along?"

Vader snorted. "We get along fabulously. I ignore him completely."

I snickered. "Are we going somewhere in particular? Don't tell me your plans for world domination, I would rather not know."

"My home," Vader said.

"Your home what?"

"That's where we are going."

"I didn't know you had one," I replied.

"I told you I was rich." He rubbed his back of his helmet, pressing down on it.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I have an itch I can't get." He slammed his hand down the desktop, muttering.

Here I go being nice again. I lifted my hand. "I can help. Little hands."

"No."

"Quit being a baby and let me help," I said, getting up and going over to him. "Where is it?"

"No."

"Vader! Where is the itch?"

He sighed. "Back of my head."

Ok, I know what you’re thinking. Why? Why I did do this? I don't know! I just did!

I jumped on the desk, I'm short remember. I motioned for him to turn around and he did, really slowly. I careful poked around and slipped him hand up the back of the helmet.

"Tell me when I’m close," I muttered, moving my hand till I felt hair.

"Right- there!"

I scratched lightly. I swear if he was a Bantha he would started mooing, or whatever Bantha do. Much have been one heck of an itch. I pulled by hand back out.

"That better?" I asked, looking at him hand. There were two short stands of hair in between my fingers. "I didn't know you have blonde hair!"

Vader whipped around so fast I nearly fell over. He grabbed my hand and pulled it close.

"What? You didn't know you had hair?" I asked curiously.

"It was burned off. I was told it would never grow back."

"Well, I felt quite a bit of it." I heard his jaw pop. Force he was smiling, I know it. "Are you smiling?"

"I don't smile."

I leaned close and peered at where his eyes were. "I can't see your eyes but you’re lying. You are smiling!"

Vader let go of my arm, picked me up by my waist and sat me on the floor. I back away, too close, if you get me.

Not sure what I was thinking but I stuck the hairs in a pouch on my belt.

I'm dead in the future. Wonderful news. I'm trilled.

I stared Vader down. He stared me down. I tapped my fingers on my hip.

"So, who are you? Or rather were are you?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter," he said, shortly.

I snorted. "Well, it matters to me. I can go back and kick your arse! Kick sense into you!"

Vader snorted back. "You couldn't kick my arse then and you can't now."

I reached for my lightsaber. "Want to test that theory?"

"Woman-"

"I have a name, Vader," I said, glaring.

"Put your saber away, Kriss." He walked to the large window and turned his back to me.

I clipped my saber back to my belt. "Why did you come back to my time anyway? Why contact me?"

I was getting that answer if it killed me.

Vader paused for the longest time. I was planning to stand there saying nothing till he answered, even if it took forever and then some.

"I remember you had a open mind and soft heart. You should have lived," he muttered. "You saw the good in people even when it wasn't apparent to anyone else."

"So, you want me to stoke your ego?" I said, as soon as the words popped out I felt bad. I sensed he was serious. I sighed. "You want me to find something good about you?"

"Not exactly," he replied. "There is more to it. Now."

My mouth dropped and my eyes bugged. "You do have hots for me! Oh, my stars and garters!"

Well, there it was, my answer. Vader turned at looked at my shocked expression. Breathe in, breath out, repeat.

"It's not that bad, woman," he said.

I gawked. “Oh? Let me run down the list for you. One: Jedi and Sith they don't mix. Two: You're annoying. Three: You're from the future. Four: Look at you! How do you kiss a girl wearing that thing on your head? Five: you have a bad temper! Six: I don't like you! Seven: I don't have a seven. Eight: You're a jerk!" I took a deep breath. "Did I mention you’re a jerk?"

"I'm not that bad or you wouldn't be here," he stated.

He did have a point. I did come here of my accord. And I have taken his gifts and comms, not really knowing why I did so. Ack! I sat down on the edge of the desk, laid back, and stared up at the ceiling.

"I'm rich."

I turned my head. "I'm Jedi, should I care?"

"It has it's advantages, even for a Jedi," Vader said.

I burst out laughing. This whole situation was ridiculous. "Okay, then buy me a planet. Name it Wickcatta and build me a huge house on the ocean," I joked.

"All right."

I laughed so hard I had tears rolling down my cheeks. "I was kidding!"

"I wasn't," he said seriously.

I really started to crack up. I rolled right off the desk and landed on the floor. Seriously, I was losing it, I think. I nearly peed my robes.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed though crackles. "This so unreal! Ouch, my knees!" Pulling myself to my feet, I got back on the desk and rubbed my knees. "You're not going to try to turn me to the Dark Side are you? It would never work."

Vader chuckled. "You half way there anyway, always were. You don't need me to try."

I wiped my face. "I am not! I don’t think."

Am I?

I need a drink!

TBC

Location: Vader's Ship. Ten years in the future. (Dayum those time wormholes!)

Blast it! Have you any idea how bloody huge this ship it? I thought Republic ships were huge! I got so lost it wasn’t even funny. I couldn't ask anyone either where the hanger bay was because that would be like yelling, "I'm leaving!" I did find a map but it made the situation worse.

When I did find the hanger the place was a ant farm of activity, troopers and solders everywhere. I could see one fighter off the side close the doors, and close to controls to open the shields. Getting to it was the fun part.

I was getting ready to make my move when a shadow fell in front of me.

"Going some where, Jedi?" A voice cut through my thoughts.

"Who frack are you?" I asked.

"The name is Tarkin, Governor Tarkin," he said, stepping to the light.

Force what a uptight man! His uniform was so starched if he sat down he’d pop right back up and if he smiled, his whole face would crack and fall apart.

He was eyeing me as much as I was eyeing him. "Lord Vader didn't tell me you were allowed down here in the hanger bay," he snapped.

"I was told I could go anywhere I wanted," I span back.

"Well, yes but I hardly think Lord Vader meant you could come down here and escape."

"Escape? I thought I was guest. Guests don't have to escape, they leave," I told him tartly.

He said nothing, I had him there and he knew it.

"Does that stare intimidate people, Governor?" I smiled.

His eyes narrowed at me. "He should kill you again and save himself the trouble."

"Excuse me? Kill me again? Who?"

Tarkin leaned close. "You know nothing of the future, do you, Jedi?"

Ok, he had me there. I put my hand on my hip. "Maybe not. Why don't you tell me?"

Tarkin opened his mouth but a loud booming voice echoed across the hanger. "TARKIN!" I cringed and looked over my shoulder.

Dayum, it was Vader. He approached us looking much better than he did when we arrived. Stopping by me he looked from me to Tarkin.

"Go back where you came from," he spat at Tarkin. "NOW!"

"Yes, Lord Vader," he said taking a step back. With a disturbing smile he disappeared.

"Lovely fellow, Vader. I bet he has all the ladies after him," I said, craning my neck to look up at Vader.

"You, follow me," he barked and spun on his heel, cape swirling.

"Nice to see you, too," I muttered at his back.

Back inside the room I started out in, he spins on me. "Where did you think you where going?"

"Uh, home! Duh!"

"Why? We aren't finished talking," he snaps. "It's rude to run out on a conversation."

"Oh no, you did not just call ME rude!" I shouted. "You got lot of nerve, you oversized tuna can!"

"Don't ever call me an oversized tuna can again, woman," he said.

I crossed my arms. "Over- sized- tuna- can."

I ducked the flying chair and the two that came after it. Gods, what a temper! I can play that game too. I sent the nearest fallen chair right back at him. Nailed him right in the helmet.

"I like a girl with spirit!" he growled, tossing another chair.

"Don't say things like that, you harebrained nerf herder!" I shouted, ducking the chair and sending a lamp his way. "I'll switch off your air conditioning, I swear I will!"

Another lamp went soaring in the air, crashing down by my feet. "You missed! HA!" I nailed him the chest with a datapad. I was running out of things to toss. "And what this about you killing me again? If I find out I'm dead in the future and you killed me I’m going to be very upset!"

He froze. From his reaction, I could sense it. "Am I dead in this time? Don't lie to me."

"Yes."

"I knew it! I am dead! Frack it! Was it you? Tarkin sort of said it was. What did he mean?" I demanded to know.

"Ignore Tarkin, the starch affects his mind. Another killed you," Vader came back with.

"Who?"

"If I told you, you wouldn't believe me," he fired at me.

"Don't give me that crap! That's all you ever say, that and 'more than you know'. Open your mouth, say really words!" I shouted.

"Even if I told you, you won't be able to stop what is to be," he said harshly. "You will stay here."

"I'll stay here when Whomp Rats shoot out your-"

"If you go back, you will die," he shouted, cutting me off.

"So, what do you care if I end up dead?" I spat. He stared. "Blast it! You are the most annoying person, that I have ever met!"

"You think this bowl of apples for me, woman?" he said. "To see you alive?"

"I know you in my time?" I asked, shocked. "Who you were before-?" I waved my hand to the suit.

"Yes, you know me." He crossed his arms. "Very well."

Ack!

I didn't say a thing to Vader the rest of flight. I couldn't after that last remark he made. When we got to Vader's ship, Vader took off to, I guess, repair himself and I was shown into a really nice room. I was told to wait, make myself at home, have some cookies.

Forget the cookies! Give me a fast ship! I wanted out of there. Uh... I still do. Frack it all to Fell, I'm still here!

The whole afternoon has passed. I was getting bored for one, and for two, clones kept walking in and staring at me. After the ninth one I got nasty. I hid, jumped out, and tackled the next one that came in. I knocked him on the ground and sat on him.

"All right, you want tell me why you guys keep coming in here?" I demanded.

"As much as I like you sitting on me, I really can't breathe, Kriss," a voice muttered.

"Tak?" I jumped up and he rolled over.

"I was till I walked in here," he answered, pulling off his helmet and smiled that goofy smile up at me. "That's better. You can pounce on me again."

"Get up, pervert," I said, holding my hand out to help him up. He took it and got to his feet. "Long time no see, Tak."

"Same to you. Looking good!"

"Still the cutest clone I see," I tossed back.

"Ah, you are good for the ego. That"s why he likes you, you know," Tak said.

I gave him a questionable look. "Vader? I haven't stoked that ego."

"You have you just don’t know it," he muttered.

"Oh, I have, huh? How?" I asked, folding my arms, giving him my 'oh really' look. He played dumb, saying nothing. "Whatever! Why do your brothers keep coming in here?" I demanded to know.

He grinned. "Cause you’re hot." I punched his arm hard. "All right! They just curious, that's all. They just want see who Vader- uh- has – been talking about."

"They've seen me before," I started to say. "Vader talks about me?"

Tak looked really uncomfortable. "Hmmmmmm," he hummed, looking away.

"Don't close up on me!"

"I can't tell you anything! Last thing I need is another chair coming at my head!"

I almost reached for the nearest chair. "Where is Vader?"

"That's why I'm here. He is still in the Med Lab, being repaired. He wanted me to tell you, you are guest and free feel to make his ship yours."

I smiled. "Good, tell the captain to turn the ship to the nearest wormhole and make for my time. I'd like to be home before dark."

Tak laughed. "Not exactly what Lord Vader had in mind."

"It's what I had in mind.” I thought for a second. "Can you get me a fighter? I really want to leave."

"Why? Vader bite you?" he asked with smirk.

"Not yet," I muttered. "Can you get me one?"

"Uh, no, I can't. But if you happen to go down to the hanger and happen to find one and happen to drop the shields... if you get me," Tak told me with a wink.

"Got ya." I gave him a half hug. "I happen to be going that way now."

TBC

Continued from previous post.

"Mind turning on the exhaust, Vader? You're smoking it up in here," I asked, looking over his seat. Vader complied but didn't say anything. I could hear a crackling noise coming from his suit; I think it was his arms. "Are you sure you can fly this thing?"

"I don't need my arms to fly," he replie tartly.

I sat back down, my back against his seat and palmed my face. "Why I'm in here with you? I must be crazy," I muttered.

"So we can talk," Vader said.

I suddenly wasn't in the mood to talk. "Then talk."

Not a word for about ten minutes. Then he pops off with, "I used to be a Jedi."

"Oh?" I said, playing the 'I don’t care' card.

Another ten minutes of silence, "I knew Skywalker very well," he said.

"Figures," I muttered. Who didn't know Anakin?

Long pause before I asked, "Care to tell me who Sidious really is?"

"No."

"So, he still lives in the future?" I asked casually.

"Unfortunately," was the crisp reply.

"Can I meet him?"

"No."

Well, I thought I try, you know?

I tapped my fingers on my face. "How well did you know Anakin?"

Long pause again. "Too damn well."

Interesting.

"I killed him," he said, off the wall like it was nothing.

My eyes bugged. I almost whipped around but I just sat there. Took everything I had not to move.

"After that incident back there how could you possibly kill Anakin?" I asked.

The pause was longer this time. "Actually, he killed himself, depending how you look at it."

My mouth dropped open. An Ewok could have climbed in and made a nest on my tongue.

"Want to Explain that?" I prodded.

"No."

"You can't just drop a missile like that not explain!" I told him.

"Yes, I can."

I'm sitting there thinking over what he has told me, tapping my fingers. Personally, I don't know about you, but I think that last part is pure pudu. Staring out a port window, I waited for him to say something else.

Nothing.

I asked, "Why do you follow me, comm me, send me stuff?"

Again nothing.

If you remember, we were supposed to meet so I could get some answers on that. I mentioned that to Vader.

"And I said I might tell you," he said.

"Which means you’re not going to tell me, right?"

"Precisely," he answered.

"I give up!"

I threw up my hands and to got my knees. I was going to ask him to turn this piece of crap around but we were in deep space by then. I waved the smoke out of my face and looked over his shoulder.

"I really don't like you, you know," I said.

His turned. "You will."

My mouth dropped again. "Conceited!" Then it hit me what he might mean. "EWWWW! That better not mean what I think it means!”


I think I'm going to be sick!

TBC

You're might be wondering what happened between Anakin and Vader. *Shakes head* I wasn’t going to watch, but I ended up seeing it anyway. I was trying to leave the Temple and I walked right into to it. They were in front of the Temple, a crowd watching. I knew I should have gone the back way.

Force, it was ULGY! Those two nearly killed each other! At first, it was no Force, no lightsabers. That lasted all of about fifteen minutes. Vader was the first to use his power. He sent Anakin flying down the steps with a push. Needless to say, after that it was on.

I'm not going into a lot details or you'll be here all week reading about it. But Vader wasn't lying; he does know all Anakin's moves. For some reason, it doesn't surprise me. Anakin would go at him and Vader would counter strike almost the same way. Ani was so mad, you could see steam coming out of his cute ears.

I wasn't about to step in the middle of it either. I don't want to die, you see. Never try to stop Anakin when he is on a roll. It was ridiculous; the two of them, fighting like children. Even Obi-Wan stayed out of the way. But I did hear that Yoda and Mace were taking bets on who would win.

As it ended up, both knocked each silly. Anakin went flying back on the steps and Vader ended up a hood-ornament on his tie-fighter. Anakin was rubbing his chin, and was getting to his feet to go back for the kill when Obi-Wan stepped front of him, telling him that,that was enough.

I noticed Vader hadn't moved and there was smoking coming off him. Obi-Wan dragged Anakin back inside and to the Med Bay, as he passed by me, he said, "Get him out of here. And tell him next time he comes here the whole Temple will deal with him."

I had to climb on the fighter to get to him. He was just lying there, not moving. I poked at him with my foot. I would have thought him dead if it hadn't been for the breathing. I stood over him, one leg on each side of him, leaned down and tapped his helmet.

"Vader?" I asked, brushing the smoke out of my face. "You alive in there?"

"You are on my cape!" he muttered.

I rolled my eyes and kicked it out from under my foot. "I really think you should be more concerned with the smoke coming out of you than me standing on your cape."

He growled. "It’s new."

I leaned my weight on my knees. "Not anymore," I said smartly.

"Is there a reason you are standing over me, Jedi?" he demanded hotly.

"I making sure you live and to give you a message," I replied, telling him what Obi-Wan said.

He snorted. "Get off me!"

"I'm not on you! I’m over you!" I spat back.

"Move, or I’ll move you!" he hissed.

"Please! You can't move yourself!"

He muttered something I couldn't understand, then said, "Did I kill him?"

"Anakin? Ha! Hardly!" I told him. "But he put the spank on you it seems."

Vader’s head turned to look at me. "Put the 'what' on me, woman?"

"The spank down. He kicked your butt," I teased.

Vader sat up really fast and caught me by the throat. Not tightly, he couldn't, his arms were tad messed up. "Whoa, big boy!" I said brushing the hand away and he fell back. "Okay, so he didn't beat up you that bad. He's just in better shape than you are. Less durasteel parts and all."

Vader reached out and grabbed my right knee and wiggled his fingers. Needless to say, I moved. I'm very ticklish there, and I nearly broke my neck trying to back away. Not only was it odd, but also no one knows about that but-

"Who told you about that?" I questioned as he somehow got his hulking frame up.

"No one," he hissed.

"Bantha pudu! You didn't get that from my head. I would have sensed you. Who told you?" I demanded.

"Whom did you tell?" he asked smugly in reply.

"Who did I tell? None of your business, that's who! Who told you?' I demanded, following Vader off the top of the tie-fighter.

He was wobbly; apparently Anakin had gotten a few shot on his legs as well as his arms. Vader ignored me and flipped open the hatch on the cockpit. I reached over and slammed it back down, missing his fingers.

"Excuse me! I'm asking you a question!"

"Excuse you, Jedi!" Up it went again. I waved my hand. It slammed down.

He came round and pointed a finger. "If you break my hinges, I'll break your head!"

"You aren't in any condition to toss threats. You are smoking."

Vader gets into his fighter, completely ignoring me, which drives me nuts. The engines fire up and his head turns to me.

"Get in, Kriss."

By the Force, you know, I did get in. I guess it was the way he called me Kriss.

TBC

My speak/type thingy is busted and no longer works, so DJK has offered to let me play on hers and she will type for me. Purr! While she adds my posts, I will play with her hair. Purr.

"Excuse me?" I said, standing before the holoprojector.

"You heard me. Stop calling me, Darth, woman! My name is Vader!"

Tell me again why I took this call? Because the switchboard operator was sick of taking messages and lying about where I was. So I decided to take the next one. I mean, really, 70 messages and threats are too much, don't you think? I wanted to get to the bottom of this nuttiness.

"Aren't you a 'Darth'?" I asked glumly.

He crossed his arms and I supposed, glared. "All Sith Lords are 'Darth' something or another, Jedi. My name is Vader. V.a.d.e.r."

I rolled my eyes. He didn't have to spell it. "And who came up with that name?"

Darth, excuse me, V.A.D.E.R., shifted on his feet. "Palp- Sidious did."

"It's interesting. What does it mean?" I asked curiously.

"Invader or something," he replied flatly.

Original. That Sidious, brilliant. (Sarcasm) Could be worse, he could have called him Darth Tater.

I took a deep breath. "Okay, VADER, let's get this over with. Clear the air. What's up the holos? The remarks, the roses, following me around, and the- " I looked around for the box. "The Imperial brownies? By the way, those were very good, thank you. Oh, and is that you I keep seeing flying around here?"

Vader stared, again I assume, he was staring. His fingers stared tapping on his arms, and his asthmatic breathing grated my nerves. "What order do you want those answered in?" Vader snorted at his own joke.

I reached for the console. "Hanging up now-"

"Don't you dare! I'll pop-" he started.

I cut him off. "If you say it, I swear, I'm going to forget I'm Jedi, fly myself through a time worm hole, board your ship and beat your helmet in!"

"Your head off," he finished as if I said nothing.

ACK! I had to close my eyes and count to ten. "Meet me and I'll answer you," he said and my flashed open.

"Meet you? Are you mad? I've seen enough of you for a lifetime! You are a serious pain in my Republic backside!"

He snorted again. "Not very Jedi of you."

"Like you would know," I told him.

"Oh, I know." Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in breathe out. "More than you know."

"I hate it when you say that! 'More than you know',” I mocked. "Just tell me all ready!"

"Meet me and maybe I'll tell you."

Right about then my head was beginning to ache. "If I meet you will you say whatever you have to say and leave me alone after that?"

"No."

I gritted my teeth. "Do you have to be maddening?” Sith Spit! (Not a pun.) He chuckled. WTF? "Fine! I'll meet you. One time, that's it. Somewhere private, I don't need anyone seeing me with you. I get enough grief about the date and that party you crashed," I told him.

I named the place and the time. Force help me!, I'm getting to the bottom of this cause he is driving me nuts! Wish me luck.

I think I'm going to need it.

TBC

Update! I would like to humbly say I'm sorry for the fight between Vader and Anakin in the comment section. I was checking my commnets with A.O.T.S. Anakin Over The Shoulder. And well, you see what happened. I tried to stop it but that wasn't happening. Anyway, feel free to commnet anyway. *shakes head*